Diwali Is My Friend

A remedy to feelings of hopelessness

Picture captured by Author

Growing up, Diwali was one of the two festivals that my parents celebrated at home. Nostalgia is a strong reason for my love for Diwali, but lately, I have realised that my love for Diwali also stems from my dislike for darkness. I feel uncomfortable when curtains are drawn and the sunlight is blocked from entering the room I am in. Usually post sunset, gloom sets in and negativity is at its peak. I am convinced that I am going to be a less-than-mediocre person living a less-than-mediocre life. Even the dinner I am about to have that night that I have cooked myself looks and tastes mediocre at best. This usually happens when I am alone and not working.

I spend many nights binge worrying - about handling difficult conversations at work, stitching counterarguments to hypothetical arguments that my co-workers could potentially make; about things I should do (but haven’t been doing) to grow my career, income, and secure my future; about my struggle to make friends in my 30s in the city I live in, dealing with feelings of envy towards my friends lives(in different countries/cities) who seem to be killing it in their careers as well as social lives.

Even after an anxiety-filled night like this one, when I wake up to see the sun's rays shining through my plants, I automatically feel better and grateful for getting to live through such beautiful mornings. I love mornings even though I am not an early riser.

I celebrate Diwali by lighting lamps and putting up fairy lights. Even the Diwali sweets and food are optional. This is huge considering I am a foodie. Of course, good food always makes my tummy smile.

Diwali pictures captured by the Author

But the Diwali lights brighten my nights like nothing else. They penetrate through my body warming up my skin, muscles and bones, generating happiness hormones and stopping my anxiety from kicking in by burning away seeds of darkness. This Diwali, I decided to light lamps a day before the actual Diwali began. I was to spend the night home alone, so I decided that I was going to have an early Diwali.